My father fell into a coma hepatic encephalopathy since yesterday. Apart from the liver failure he also has severe arthritis and joint contractures due to ankylosing spondylitis. I felt it is better at this hour to treat him at home in familiar surroundings with drips and riles tube feeding with flagyl.Sister Yew kindly helped me to do all the necessary last night.
After a lifetime of calling this man papa, I finally got to know him in his final months and come to appreciate him for the man he is. Even in the deepest trouble of his illness going in and out of hospital I see a man slow to complain, always hopeful and seemed almost indifferent to his own pain. He concentrated on his concern his family and his following of the KLSE. He also seemed anxious to settle his will, financial matters and afterlife concerns. My mother said "he doesn't know how to feel sad." I don't know if his demeanour is peculiar to his generation or it is just him.
In Dec 2003 I took him together with my family to his ancestral village. He was very happy looking at the photos we took on that trip. At the age of 12 he walked with his mother 14 hours from Xianyou county to Xiamen to board a steamer to come to Malaysia circa 1945. Typical of my father's life he had very few options at every stage of his life. At an early age 6 or 7 he became the man in the house being the eldest son when his mother was widowed. After arriving here in Bukit Mertajam he was in primary school for 2 years 8 months before his uncle died and he had to go to the village at 15 years of age to be the kepala(estate conductor) of his uncle's rubber plantation.Lived by himself for the next 10 years cooking his own meals and living in the kampung in Mengkuang.
Typical of the man that I come to know he always made something good of whatever meagre options given to him. From the small salary he was able to send a considerable amount of money to his mother and brothers in China. He built a concrete house for them which still stands today. I believe he looked after his brothers very well.One of his brothers was the Secretary of the local Communist Party. When we visited in 2003 one of his cousins to whom he sent a Rado watch came to fetch us in a Mercedes to show his appreciation showed us hospitality and offered money to my father. To this day I am so proud of him.
Life was hard on a small salary and 3 children going to school in the town from the the village Sungai Lembu. Bas sekolah money came to quite a bit on top of everything else. Here again the man is in his element. He would trade in scrap rubber, soya sauce, plant papayas for sale and save every cent he could for the family. I remember many a night being told to go to sleep at 9pm. Lights out to save kerosene for the hurricane lamp. Despite being poor, my mother always dressed us very neatly and was givem ample pocket money so much so the teachers used to think I was a rich estate owner's son.
Scrounging and saving was not easy.I think he felt pressured a bit. But my father was always good at motivating himself. When my youngest brother was born 1970 he named him Khye Lock(pronounced Look) , meaning opening of happiness. You see despite everything he kept his hopes up. Khye Lock did bring us much happiness in our family.I am 10 years older than my youngest brother and having a small child in the family did bring much laughter.Later my fathers financial position improved somewhat. He was a many years the chairman of the Chinese school board of directors and the PIBG chairman. I remember one time he recieved a letter from the government appointing him to be the village headman -the chairman of the JKKK. But being the man that he was he turned it down because he felt he could n't do a good job.I showed him the letter and read it to him,he just chucked it out.That was it nobody else in the family knew about it.I found out later he was the compromise candidate acceptable to Gerakan and MCA who were fighting for the post.
I don't know how he did it but he managed on his RM300 salary to save RM15000 to send me to study in Australia in 1978. I did have to work to help put myself thru but my father gave me a leg up despite the disadvantages he faced. Eventually 4 of his children graduated from a University in Australia. This is a source of great pride to him. He visited Australia to see me graduate from University.
In 1991 he took a trip to China with my second brother. Unfortunately and fortunately he was able to see his mother to whom he has frequently written once more after a space of 46 years but she has become partially senile. She did intermittently recognise him. One month after coming back from China we received news from his bothers that his mother had died. I did not see any sign of grieve but thinking back it must have grieved him.
When my father was 69 the Lord Jesus remembered him and brought this exstudent leader Zhang Boli from China to share about his experiences as a refugee escaping from the Communist government after leading the Tiananmen uprising of June fourth 1989.It took another Chinaman to get to him. He accepted Jesus Christ. He insisted on completion of his term as the trustee of the local Tokong after he said proper goodbye to his past duties he was baptised in Pulau Pangkor by Pastor James Khoo.
I didn't enquire much about his faith but towards the end of his life I see great faith. He always hoped and expected to get well. He need help to move around the house since 2009 Chinese New Year when he fractured his spine. Even when his illness got worse he would have dreams where his "Father" rescued him from falling into a well and also had other dreams of hope and healing.He told my mother that there is a fragrance in his room in the evenings when Jesus visited him. I begin to spend more time but I must say not enough. There are many questions I want to ask him but I don't have the time now. I did remind him a few times how well he looked after me and my brothers and we are so grateful. 2 weeks before he fell into coma my sister came back from Australia to see him. He complained that she was spending thousands of ringgit just to see him, I reminded him that we loved him and he looked after us so well.
Even in his sickness his mind was very clear. He traded in shares and made a tidy profit up to 1 month before he fell into coma. 2 days before he dropped into the coma he had a few stock picks for me. He could always find something to keep himself happy.
My father didn't have many options in his life but he always saw each situation he was in as good and made the most of it. His childhood was spent as an adult with too many responsibilities. Most of his life he was happy to bring up his family unassuming quietly but what a blessing to me and my siblings! In his old age despite sickness he kept his spirits up by not complaining about his infirmities but by the things he enjoyed.
In many ways I am sad to be missing him and saying goodbye in another sense I am proud and happy that my father lived his life well.We need to celebrate his life. He run his race and completed what he was put here to do "a crown of glory" awaits him eternity.
P/s My father finally passed away in ICU in Metro Specialist Hospital with family by his side and singing a hokkien hymm to him on 29th Oct 2009 11pm.
